Letters to you

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Here’s actually a list of things I would like to tell you but I would never tell.

Weird thing is I have the guts to post it at the net but not say it to you.

Weird, right? But, honestly, I’m going to burst if I won’t tell anyone.

I have friends but I’m embarrassed to say this to them.

Dear _________

You probably don’t know about this but we sure did have a secret past. My 9 year old fell in love with you for the first time. While my 10 year old self wanted to ask your name but always had cold feet just thinking about the idea that you’ll talk to me. Then my 11 year old self decided that maybe if I switched school then I’d get a chance to meet you.

Turned out when I was 12, you stayed their at your school. I lost hope so I did my very best to forget about you. I was able to live a year without seeing you anymore. Just then I thought we really weren’t going to see each other anymore. Funny is when I turned 13, I looked at the person sitting at my left and you were there. They were right when they said you shouldn’t go finding for love. Still, unfortunately, we weren’t classmates and you were in love with a person whom I thought was my friend. You still didn’t know I existed, I was sure of that. Tried my best not to look at you. Unfortunately, my best friend’s classroom, whom I go home with, is at the same floor as you.

For a year, I avoided that floor and turned out I slowly forgot you. Unfortunately, when I was 14 and have forgotten about you that’s how I became classmates with you. I’ve avoided you for a month and was also mad at you because you keep switching my name with the other girl. Then, your friend who was apparently a girl…uhm… touched you like you were together. Like clinging your arms and you desperately trying to get away from her. Luckily, somebody in their deranged mind decided to court her then she stop bugging you.

Then, the next month I had this “FAKE” relationship with my guy friend so that the girl would stop bothering and obsessing with him. It was a joke actually we just wanted to fool around and nothing really happened. But my name was not for the girl to stop obsessing my friend, it was my aim for you to at least notice me.

Didn’t work.

It was a Friday, when all this sudden thought popped into my head. It was that what if our adviser changed the seating arrangement and placed me beside you. Guess what, the next week he changed my place. Where? Next to you.

I did my best not to fall for you. Honestly. I don’t want to feel the pain I’ve felt before. Having a one-sided love. Then, I was playing through all my Taylor Swift song in my computer and the song I’d Lie came up and I thought about you.

Called up my friend after that and asking if she thinks I like you again and she said yes. I tried to dismiss the thought but unfortunately it kept creeping back in.

My feeling were back then.

The  months flew away and December came. There’s this exchange gift that happened in our class and I was really hoping I’d pick you but I didn’t. I asked you who you got for the exchange gift but you said it was a secret. (I even tripped at you but you where quick enough and help my shoulders to prevent anything else from happening.)

Two days before Christmas Party came. Then your friend slipped that you got me for the exchange gift. The next day I saw you at the mall with your friends while I was helping my friend look for a gift for her boyfriend. That moment, I was dying of curiosity on what you would give me. I know I placed “Let It Snow” by John Green, a jacket, and white earphones with no earplugs in my wish list and I was thinking if you’re going to grant my wish

My friends left me at McDo while they continued with their Christmas shopping spree. (I was done with my Christmas shopping.) Then I looked up and you and your friend were passing. Your friend saw me and said hi while you smiled and waved your hand. I am already happy that time.

The next day it was Christmas party. It was per section and good thing our classmates thought of good games but they were all too embarrassing to join. We both didn’t join most of the games and we were just walking around taking pictures of our classmates while they all make a fool of themselves. Hahaha. We were like in our own bubble for about an hour.

Then the exchange gift came. You gave me your gift which was in a small paper bag. Since my friend also got a gift from her crush which we both didn’t expect we both opened our gift at the same time. We both rushed to the other building. Thing is, your paper bag got destroyed at the bottom part so all those Hershey’s kisses and green paper went coming out of the bag where I placed all my gift. My friend teased me because of the kisses. Then there was this letter I saw. It took me time to comprehend because let’s face it you have a poor penmanship.

I didn’t get what your letter said that the packaging was broken, blah, blah,blah. Then I looked deeper inside of the paper bag and saw this white thing. I pulled it up but not completely out of the package because the moment I saw the brand and earphones I was squealing and so was my friend. She opened her gift and her wish in the wishlist was also granted by her crush.

On January, we had dancing for P.E. we became partners and I thank you for your patience in my two left feet and my sweaty hands. Then prom came, I knew you weren’t going to dance with me because you’re too busy being part of the prom committee. Just my luck, my friends kind of bugged you until you danced with me then we danced for like two songs. Technically, you’re my first dance in high school.

Before prom, you even carried my bag until the bus during camping. Just my luck, huh?

All of a sudden, it was already the last week of classes. A lot of girls cried in our section then the boys were hugging girls even if they weren’t popular. Then you were my third to the last hug which makes me very happy.

Thing is even though I could only love you from the distant, I could say you deserve it because you are such a good person. You’re responsible, not judgmental, gentleman, loyal to your friends, and approachable. But sometimes you are pessimistic.

Even though my friends say I just like you because you look like HP specially when you had glasses the only missing thing was a lightning bolt scar. They’re wrong.

I liked you because you’re you. You don’t follow the crowd which makes you special.

From someone secretly liking you from the distance

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